


To Find Solace in Tranquility

by Vallasera



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: ALL THE SPOILERS, Angst, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Rite of Tranquility, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vallasera/pseuds/Vallasera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being left bare-faced and heartbroken, Lina Lavellan thinks long and hard about what life could hold for her after she defeats Corypheus.  The plan she sets into motion could effect her companions more than she originally thought.   RATINGS MAY GO UP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Considering the Options

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta Alyssredfern. Helps having an extra set of eyes. ^_^
> 
> Also, I don't own this stuff. Wish I did, but I don't.

Time is a funny thing. Too little time, and a person gets flustered trying to accomplish everything at once. Too much time, and thoughts could wander into dangerously dark territory. Lina Lavellan found herself in the uncomfortable situation of having both at once. There had been too much time in the two months since that night Solas bared her face and broke her heart. Too many nights to ask herself where she would go and what she would do when Thedas no longer needed the Inquisition. 

Even so, two months hardly felt like a drop in the ocean when considering how quickly the ancient magister darkspawn could attack them now that she had interfered in his plans again. She felt the pressure mounting to get the biggest tasks finished in whatever little time remained before facing Corypheus once more, hopefully for the final time. 

Lina stood over the war table, focusing on the tokens littering the map as her advisers filed out of the room. It had been more than a week since she and Morrigan had returned from Mythal's shrine with the answer to defeating the twisted beast that served Corypheus. Still, the Inquisitor had waited until the last of Leliana's ravens returned from the field. As she suspected, the final message which arrived that morning revealed that all of the rifts had been dealt with. Now all that remained were Corypheus himself and a few trifling matters that could be handled just as easily by a blind nug as by the inquisitor herself. 

Satisfied that she had done all she could before this confrontation, Lina sighed and turned away from the table. The elf turned to one of Skyhold's runners and asked him to deliver a message to each member of her inner circle informing them that the inquisition would confront Corypheus at dawn. She trudged to her room to finish the last of the important paperwork.

There on her desk lay the scattered notes and books on the fade, enchantment, the various circles of Thedas, and tranquility. The books were put to the side, each with their respective notes, as she uncovered the handful of reports she had yet to address. She skimmed through them, signing off on a few requests and suggestions while promptly tossing the two marriage proposals into the fireplace. With the last of the paperwork seen to, Lina crossed the room to her bed and slid her journal out from under the mattress. 

 

12 Justinian, 9:41 Dragon – It looks like tomorrow is going to be it. We face down that warped pile of sentient red lyrium once and for all. If I fall, at least I'll have closed off those blighted rifts. Mostly, I just hope that Morrigan was right about being able to take down his pet dragon. Being honest, that thing gives me the creeps. 

Back with my clan, I couldn't have dreamed that this is where I'd end up. If Keeper Deshanna could see her first now, she likely wouldn't recognize me. I'm bare-faced as a babe now, with more scars than I care to count. Some of the shemlen nobles even go so far as to call me “sophisticated for one of my kind.” I'd be lucky if any clan out there would accept me as some flat ear from the city, but I guess I don't even want that. So much has been lost to us and twisted beyond recognition that I'm sure I would just find myself questioning the Keepers anyway.

I've done just about all of the research I could hope to do concerning my potential future after all of this. Clans are out for reasons I've mentioned time and again in these pages. The circles all seem... just wrong. I doubt I could ever be content to just sit around inside all day every day, never really free to do much of anything. Even if Cassandra is elected as Divine, I doubt much will change for a long time. There's really no good place in this world for an elven mage. At least if I am to be locked away somewhere, I would rather not care about it.

I don't think my friends here would understand. I should probably wait until they all move on. That much is inevitable. Varric is heading back to Kirkwall as soon as Corypheus is dealt with. Bull and his Chargers are just here for the job. They'll probably be gone before I can blink with Dorian in tow. Still, I'm glad that he and Iron Bull are so happy together. Vivienne will be going off to help restore order to the Circle. Blackwall is looking to join the Grey Wardens for real. Sera is bound to be off at any moment to continue working with the Red Jenny bunch. Wasn't really expecting her to even stick around this long.

Cole is the only one I'm not too sure about. I've managed to avoid him pretty well so far, but Creators only know how long that will last. Maybe he'll go off with Varric or Solas, but it's hard to tell with him. He means well. Wherever he ends up, I'm sure he'll be helping people. I wonder what he thinks of the Tranquil. Many of the books say that the Tranquil are invisible to Fade spirits, but there are a few theories out there that say demons are just less likely to notice them. Guess I'll be finding out.

Enough writing for today. I need to go to the Undercroft to get that final fitting for my new mage armor. Dagna's been a great help with the masterworks and runes. Maybe I can help her when all is said and done...

– Inquisitor Lina Lavellan


	2. Fall of a Would-be God

After fighting the corrupted dragon and dodging blast after blast from the red, twisted monster before them now, one big blast managed to knock Lina flat on her back. She was battle weary, and the sickening almost electric corruption made her strongly consider simply accepting her fate. Still, they were so close. It was obvious that Corypheus was desperate and reaching his limit. The Inquisitor sucked in a sharp breath through gritted teeth and made ready to right herself once more.

“Not like this!” Corypheus roared, grasping the red, glowing orb as it shook and shot sparks of magic and energy. “I have walked the halls of the Golden City, crossed the ages...”

Lina gathered all of her strength and resolve. She stood and let the power flow from her marked hand. “One more push,” she murmured to herself, quiet as a breath of air. She raised up her green, glowing hand, focusing her will.

“Dumat! Ancient Ones! I beseech you!” the darkspawn howled. “If you exist – if you ever truly existed – aid me now!” His frenzied plea might have earned him sympathy from the small elven woman behind him had it not been for how much death and destruction he had wrought all over Thedas.

The orb shot out of his clawed grip and over to the marked hand of his rival, hovering in the air as its glow shifted from red to green. Corypheus landed heavily on his knees, utter defeat etched on every part of his grotesque form. He had been beaten. An ancient magister who had walked into the Fade and found the Golden City was falling to the hand of some mortal elf who had lived only a bit longer than two decades. The disbelief alone could have crushed him, but he knew she couldn't let it end there.

A pulse of power in a beam of green light flew from the orb into the sky, fully mending the breach. Lina let the orb fall as it smoked from overuse, large boulders beginning to fall from the sky. She strode toward the crumpled monster she had finally defeated and said, “You wanted into the Fade?” She let loose one more rift within Corypheus, closing it as soon as the last of the red lyrium glow was extinguished from her sight.

Now rocks and bits of the building and ruin were crashing down in earnest. There was no more time to linger. She bolted away from the debris , ducking under an archway until there was nothing left to fall. Lina got up, looking around to get her bearings. She saw him then. Solas wandered up to the orb, or whatever was left, looking lost and disbelieving. He knelt and cradled the largest piece, looking for all the world like he had lost the most important thing in his life. The imagery her mind conjured sent a twinge of bitterness through her heart. Whatever she felt, Lina couldn't let it go. She had to try to help him. It was what she always did for her friends.

“Solas?” she ventured. She wasn't sure precisely what to say. Should she try to hug him? It was what she would have done for any of their other friends, but with their history...

“The orb,” he answered, confirming her suspicions. The only thing he was focused on now was the broken sphere before him.

A small part of Lina wanted to yell at him. They had finally rid Thedas of an ancient evil bent on total destruction and godhood, and all Solas could do was weep over the thing that caused all of this in the first place. But that was a very small part of her. It was the same part that wanted her to pout when she had to wear shoes or throw a tantrum when everyone wanted her to do things their ways. Mostly, she was just weary now. All that she was needed for was coming to a close. Still, he remained her friend, and she always wanted to be sure her friends were happy.

Deciding to maintain her distance, she settled on saying, “I know you wanted the orb saved. I'm so sorry.” She meant it too.

“It is not your fault,” Solas acknowledged as he half turned toward her. He gently placed the broken piece back on the ground with the rest, standing and turning toward her fully.

She saw in the way he held himself, the way he mourned the now shattered artifact, there was something deeper than simply sorrow for a long lost trinket. “There's more, isn't there?” she ventured.

The bald elf before her frowned. “It was not supposed to happen this way. No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.”

Lina shut her eyes tight at that, the childish voice inside louder now, demanding to scream at the man for that lie. If what they had was real, then he wouldn't have stripped her of her vallaslin and ended everything they had. But she couldn't be a child about it. She had taken on too much responsibility. Aside from that, it would hardly be fair to decide that it had all been a farce simply because it came to an end.

The Inquisitor wanted to say something, anything to let him know that she held no real grudge, but another voice interrupted her thoughts from somewhere on a lower level. “Inquisitor? Are you alive?” It was Cassandra.

Taking a deep breath, she turned and walked down to where Cassandra and the rest of their friends waited. She felt his presence like a shadow at her back, but she had a larger group to address now.

“Victorious, I see,” Morrigan observed, clutching her injured side. “What a novel result. And it seems the Breach is finally closed.”

'Thank you for putting a voice to the obvious,' Lina thought. “Looks that way,” was all she could manage without her irritation slipping into her voice.

Cassandra turned to her friend and leader. “What do we do now?”

Ah yes. Of course it fell to her to decide their next course of action. Seems not everything had changed. Out of habit, Lina turned to where Solas once stood. There was no trace of the Fade walking elf. 'Not surprising,' she thought bitterly. Squaring her shoulders and fighting back tears, the Inquisitor answered, “We go back to Skyhold.” Baby steps. That would have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about all the game quotes, but I felt it was the best way to illustrate the thoughts surrounding the words.


	3. Reflecting on the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter that gives a closer look at Lina.

The journey back to Skyhold was filled with relief, cheer, and praise from the Inquisitor's companions and soldiers. She could hear Varric telling Blackwall how he planned on writing that battle in his book, the old soldier laughing in agreement. Iron Bull was assuring Dorian that he hadn't been injured as badly as Lina knew he had been. She glanced around at her friends, thinking about everything that has lead up to this point.

Back in her clan, Lina had felt like a hart among halla. She was always quiet, even as a child. She studied and observed rather than join in with others as they laughed and played together. Several of the elves thought she would make an excellent hunter because of it, but they gave her few compliments aside from that, keeping their distance in subtle ways. Keeper Deshanna had told her that she would need to make a special effort to fit in once her magic came to light and Lina became her First. The Keeper had always shown her kindness despite what Lina heard others whisper to the older elf.

When things between the templars and mages got heated, everyone in the clan became a bit nervous. The fighting could easily spiral out of control and affect the Dalish. Keeper Deshanna wanted to send someone in the clan to the Conclave just to determine how bad things were, but no one else wanted to leave. Lina knew she would be the best option, and she was the only volunteer. Despite not wanting to send her First into such a dangerous situation, the Keeper finally relented and sent her out. Now, Lina hoped that someone else in the clan would come to magic and become a better First than she had been. After all, what kind of First leaves the clan and winds up being declared the Herald of Andraste?

Despite being a suspect in the beginning, she found herself quickly warming up to the people in the Inquisition. Cassandra went from treating her like a wolf caught in the camp to being a trusted friend. Lina often found herself talking about expectations they had each been held to before, their mutual dislike of the Game, or even Varric's romance books. She loved to hear the Seeker's romantic notions and thoughts on the way the Chantry should be, and she knew that her warrior friend would be just the Divine the Chantry needed.

Varric was a friend before the elf even realized it. It was almost unnerving how easy it was to talk to the dwarf. He was kind and easy-going, joking with her to lighten her mood, but also lending an ear when she just needed to talk. She loved hearing his stories and listening as he spoke with the rest of their friends, whether on a mission or in the tavern.

Admittedly, the Inquisitor never really developed as strong a friendship with Vivienne, Blackwall, or Sera, but she still considered them her good friends. Despite Sera's feelings about “elfy” elves, the two of them shared drinks at the tavern and played pranks on people. Blackwall had taught Lina how to do some rather basic carving, and Vivienne seemed to take great pleasure in dressing up the elf in various dresses and masks both for fun and important events.

Her friendship with Cole perplexed her the most. The spirit had grown on her like a little brother. Lina found herself concerned for him more than she had been for any of the younger elves in her clan, yet she also felt like he was constantly thinking on a level far above her own mind. The poetic riddles he rambled off didn't annoy her so much as they encouraged deeper thought on her part. Despite being a private woman at heart, Lina also found his ability to hear what she wasn't saying rather comforting. If the truth was to be told, this was likely what she cherished most about the strange young man.

Dorian was probably her best friend. Lina swiftly found that she could flirt back and forth with him while having none of the worry that either would misinterpret the playfulness. It was wonderful and freeing. She could easily discuss magic and magical theories with him, and they shared similar taste in books. Lina also found that, much like Vivienne, the Tevinter rather adored playing dress-up with her. It was fun finding out what outrageous outfit he'd have her try on next, and he didn't mind when she made a face at the way some dresses looked on her. When he told her that he and Iron Bull were getting more serious, the elf could hardly contain her happiness for them. The two men were so well matched.

The former Ben-Hassrath agent had also won the elf over. Despite being rather over fond of dragon battles and destruction, he made for a very good friend. She found his relationship with the other Chargers particularly endearing. The relief on his face when she gave the order to save them at the Storm Coast was well worth losing the potential Qunari alliance. She loved visiting with the mercenaries at the tavern. They always had such interesting stories.

Even her advisers had become like friends in a way. Josephine was very patient with her while teaching her about human politics, and the two of them made it a point to have tea together in the mornings whenever she was at Skyhold. Leliana would join them from time to time as well. Lina found that the spymaster was an excellent source for gossip, and the elf brought her information in turn. It was unlikely that the Orlesian hadn't heard it before Lina told her, but she still accepted it with grace and thanks. As for Cullen, he always knew just what to do to make her smile. He wasn't very good with words, constantly stumbling and rubbing the back of his neck, but he made up for it in little things he would do for her. He'd come to he and make excuses for her to leave when the nobles got to be too much, bring her a book he thought she might find interesting, or simply offering her friendly advice that had nothing to do with battles or enemies.

Though the Inquisitor had gained more friends in this crazy Inquisition than she had in all the years among the Dalish, none had caught her attention quite like him. Solas was certainly not like any other elf Lina had ever met. He seemed to know so very much about the history of their people, learning from the Fade as he slept. In truth, Lina suspected that he had known far more than he shared and that not all of his knowledge came from the Fade, but now she would never have a chance to ask. She had thought that perhaps what they had was a real romantic relationship, but every time they would get closer, he'd take at least one step back.

When Solas told her about the vallaslin, Lina felt sick. It was hard to make the decision to have it removed, but she thought that it would be alright so long as she had him with her. The shock of having her face bared hadn't even worn off before he told her he was done with her. He had called her unique, said that she was important to him, kissed her as he held her close, then turned around and said that he was distracting her from her duties. The full effect of the break up didn't strike her immediately. She was able to calmly accept it, saying that it was his choice, that everyone makes mistakes. She broke down that night, weeping into her pillow. There was barely enough energy in her to make her usual daily journal entry.

After that, Lina looked at her other friendships with new eyes. It had been so easy for the one she allowed closest to her to walk away from her as though it meant nothing. His words spoke of importance and caring, but his actions spoke so much louder. If she wasn't enough for the elven apostate, how could she think she would ever be enough for the others? They all had purposes driving them, goals and families and jobs to do when everything was over. Not Lina. Not anymore. She had nowhere special to go. No one to return to now that she had no Dalish markings. No one would want some mage elf hanging around while the world slowly came to order. That was when she turned to her books. True, the others seemed to notice, even showing concern when she stopped going to the tavern, stopped making small talk and wandering from friend to friend in Skyhold, but they probably just wanted to make sure their Inquisitor hadn't lost her nerve to fight the big bad darkspawn.

The Inquisitor was startled from her thoughts by everyone stopping to let the horses drink at a stream. Surely they wouldn't miss the mage if she were to slip away for a moment. Lina didn't wander far, but she made sure to be out of sight as she brought her field journal out of her satchel. She always had one journal for home and one to take with her on her travels since one could never be too careful. A dragon had once managed to singe one of those travel journals to within an inch of being legible. The question now was what to write. The only things of note were the battle and Solas walking away. Again. Lina sighed. She really didn't feel like writing, but old habits die hard.

 

12 Justinian, 9:41 Dragon – It's done. We've beaten Corypheus. I had hoped it would feel better, but I feel as numb as ever. Solas is gone. I wish it surprised me. He left when the orb broke. He said that what we had had been real, but that's laughable. He never was straightforward with me. I hope he finds something that makes him happy. At one time not long ago, I would have wished it could have been me that made him happy. Now I wonder if we ever could have been more than we were. He always held himself back from me. Sure, I loved what he let me see, but how much of him was that? At least I won't have to worry about avoiding him in the Fade soon enough. I won't have this ache in my heart, and I won't feel so... empty.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure where I'm taking this, to be honest. Could be happy or super angsty at the end. Any suggestions welcome.
> 
> P.S. Not going to lie, kudos make me update faster. Just saying...


End file.
